The Artsy Baby: Mommyhood

There were a lot of things I thought I was prepared for in having a baby. Four months before my due date I already had the nursery all set up, diapers purchased, much of the clothing, and even a plan for what to do in every situation. I might have gone a little overboard. I was going to be a first-time mom and I wanted to be as prepared as I possibly could. Growing up, I was always considered the babysitter. I love kids. I love spending time with them during their good times and the bad times. When I was 10 years old I even babysat for infant triplets, I was ready for anything.

But when I had my little girl Evelyn, it wasn't exactly what I thought it was going to be. Physically I had everything ready. I had read about all the items that were the necessary things for baby, and a few things that were just helpful things to have. But what I wasn't ready for was the emotional strain having a baby would put on me. During the first month my milk went from so much I had to store it in the freezer, to practically nothing. I felt miserable I could not take care of my own child. I felt like I was ill-equipped. I had a bad case of the baby blues, most of my friends had abandoned me when I told them I was pregnant, and not to mention the little sleep and motional drain after having a baby. My milk production still sways back-and-forth, but I have learned how to manage it better. With only having a six week old baby, I feel like I have learned a tremendous amount. I have learned that breast-feeding does not come natural like I expected it to. I have learned that it is okay to feel sad when you feel like you should be happy for all the wonderful things you have. But above all I have learned more about myself than anything else. Before now,I didn't know how much of a not to stay at home person I was. I realized that staying inside and taking care of my baby that I love so very much, wasn't enough for me. I felt guilty for this realization. How could my new baby girl not be enough for me? At first I related it to losing my identity. I no longer had my rabbit, I no longer had my red hair, nor did I have the time to do my art. And being on maternity leave the last defining factor of myself that I related to was teaching art, I wasn't able to do that either. All the things that I felt to find me we're gone. Being a mom had not become something that defined me yet, it's still hasn't. I know one day it will, I won't be able to force it sooner.

Over the next few weeks, I plan to talk about how I am dealing with finding myself, defining who I am, and managing mother. I know I won't be perfect at it, and I don't expect this blog to be an advice blog. But I hope that this will become an avenue in which I can share, open up, and find who I am again.

Baby on a budget doesn't mean you can theme things just the way you planned. This seems so obvious now, but it is just dawning on me. I recently heard about The Kids Exchange and couldn't wait to go! The Kids Exchange comes twice a year to multiple states providing a space where you can sell and purchase pre used child items.

My giant haul

We find out the sex of the baby on thursday (yay!) so everything I picked up had to be gender neutral. Completely by accident EVERYTHING I purchased was green & brown jungle theme. Guess we're going with jungle nursery. As you can see everything just got thrown into the room, I've slowly been getting around to washing everything. The nursery recently was just a storage room, one of my paintings was still in there (the giraffe in the background). It matches so we're keeping it in there.

Not only is the realism of budget friendly hitting but also that I'm growing. Cut down from my 15 pairs of pants/shorts (too many!) to now 3. Looks like maternity clothes shopping is in my near future.

As all moms, I love a deal. Let me share with you some of the amazing items I picked up at the sale! Once I get the nursery up I'll show you how it is all coming together.